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| Blumenthal |
U.S. Senator Dick Blumenthal is likely the most humorless politician in the state of Connecticut. The graces who bestow virtues on babies in the crib, humor being one of them, took a hike when Blumenthal let out his first war-yopp in the bassinette.
He’s been known to make at least one joke that tells against
him, and that one has not been often repeated. “I’ve been known,” the
ubiquitous Blumenthal said, “to make appearances at garage door openings.”
The joke produced muffled snickers among some members of
Connecticut’s media who, attached to Blumenthal's ankle like a ball and chain,
follow the life-long politician as he makes his frequent rounds about the
state. Media releases about Blumenthal, most of them, have been written by Blumenthal,
or one of his aides. They are, for this reason, embarrassingly flattering, as
are most biographies and memoirs frequently written by hired hands. Former
Senator and Governor Lowell Weicker’s biography, Maverick – reviewed
here by Chris Powell -- was ghost-written by Barry Sussman, author
of The Great Coverup: Nixon and the Scandal of Watergate.
Blumenthal is a tough customer politically because the gods
of media have been with him during his long 44 year career in politics and, as
St Paul says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:31).
Blumenthal is also adept at generating lakes of campaign funds.
There are, however, some chinks in the man’s armor. As an
irreproachable Attorney General of Connecticut – for a bone-weary 20 years –
Blumenthal pretended, on several different occasions, to be a Vietnam War
Marine. The New York Times, among others, called him on that card.
Blumenthal was, in fact, a student of both Yale and Harvard
determined to put a safe space between himself and Vietnam, along with his
friend and fellow Yalie Bill Clinton and half the 1960’s Abbie Hoffman
generation. He found his safe space as a reserve Marine stationed in Washington
DC, where he delivered ToysForTots to tots, a noble endeavor. Called out,
Blumenthal said he misspoke… and misspoke… and misspoke… and misspoke... Few
believed him, but veracity and politics are sometimes at cross purposes, and
Blumenthal survived the critical onslaught by disappearing for a time from
public view. The disappearing act must have been for Blumenthal an exquisite
torture, rarely repeated.
Just as a country to be loved must be loveable, so a
politician to be laughed at must be laughable.
And there is much about Blumenthal that might cause titters
among people graced with a sense of humor.
Satan wonders in Mark Twain‘s Mysterious Stranger
Manuscripts, “Will a day come when the race will detect the funniness of
these juvenilities and laugh at them--and by laughing at them destroy them? For
your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective
weapon--laughter. Power, Money, Persuasion, Supplication, Persecution--these
can lift at a colossal humbug,--push it a little-- crowd it a little--weaken it
a little, century by century: but only Laughter can blow it to rags and atoms
at a blast. Against the assault of Laughter nothing can stand.”
Twain returned to the same theme
in "Indiantown," noting that laughter is irrepressible:
“Laughter which cannot be suppressed is catching. Sooner or later it washes
away our defenses, and undermines our dignity, and we join in it -- ashamed of
our weakness, and embittered against the cause of its exposure, but no matter,
we have to join in, there is no help for it.”
Large targets are especially vulnerable to laughter’s
blasts; the larger, the more deadly serious, the more honored among those whom
humor has abandoned, the more pompous, the better. The stone striking a black
hat produces a puff of moral approbation. The same stone hitting a white hat
produces gales of destroying laughter of a kind Twain deployed
his whole life through, though Twain's satanic blasts were considerably
restrained by his wife and his close friend, the Reverend Joseph Hopkins
Twichell.
Some humorists in Connecticut might raise a laugh on
Blumenthal – as well as a good deal of campaign cash – by starting a nationwide “Give
Blumenthal The Boot” auction.
The idea would be to auction off a military boot -- a
retired Vietnam Marine boot would be best. At the end of the auction period,
the boot would be awarded to Blumenthal formally, at a ceremony
attended by his friends in the media. This, of course, would be followed by a
“Big Shoe to Fill” auction.
Naturally, were the auction proceeds to be given to
Blumenthal’s campaign competitor, they must conform to Federal Election
Campaign Act, which really ought to be titled "An Act To Preserve The Longevity Of Incumbents."
Blumenthal’s campaign bundle will, of course, will be much
larger than any senatorial competitors who hope to fill his big shoes. It is
not uncommon for Democrat congressional incumbents in Connecticut to start
their campaigns with a sizable lump of cash, sometimes approaching upward of a
million dollars – which, progressive, post-modern equitablists might agree, is
not equitable, though perfectly
legal.
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