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Signs of the Times


Customer at a grocery store: These prices are outrageous.

Service personnel: Well, yes – for us too. Our suppliers are charging us more, so we pass along some increased costs to people like you. But you should know that the percentage of cost increases in this store is less than the increased costs of the wholesale goods we purchase.

Customer: That means nothing to me. All I know is – my income is fixed. I’m paying through the nose, and I can’t afford it.

SP: Sorry about that.

___________________

 

Sticker on a gas pump in northern Connecticut: “I did that,” accompanied with a picture of President Joe Biden, cleverly concealed on the tank where the pump spout is inserted.



“‘I just know everything he’s been doing since he took office has been going downhill. Bring Trump back,’ said Harold Frost, 29, of the Upper West Side (New York City). ‘My car has been parked the whole week because of this [high gas prices]. I took the train, but it’s dangerous now on the train. You gotta be careful.’"

 ______________________

 

Frequent Customer: How are you?

Waitress at a diner near Hartford: I’m tired. You can’t believe how tired I am.

FC: Why?

Waitress: I’m all alone here, no help.

FC: I know what that’s like. How’s your garden doing?

Waitress: It’s less tired than I am.

FC: You must be harvesting now (beginning of August). What are you pulling out of there?

Waitress: My husband tends it. We’re Greek – so, herbs, lots of tomatoes, cucumbers… eggplant! We love eggplant! You can make it so many different ways. (She mentions a half dozen uses. Her customer seems impressed). More coffee?

FC: Sure.

Waitress: It’s my feet, mostly.

Fc: Sorry?

Waitress: They hurt.

_________________

 

The risible New York Post


______________

 

Phone-rage

Robo-caller: What’s that?

Miffed Recipient of Call: Will she or won’t she? Just answer the question (Will Speaker of the US House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi touch down in Taiwan during her Far East trip?)

RC: I can’t say.

MROC: Can’t or won’t?

RC: We never mention political subjects during our calls. It’s just not done.

MROC: Why not?

RC: Because it interferes with our mission.

MROC: Well your call is interfering with my mission, which is to free myself of phone pests.

Click.

_____________

Henry Menken, contrarian, unread by 90% of Connecticut political commentators:


_________________

Priest: I’m pretty sure that’s not a sin (failing to vote in state and national elections).

Repentant sinner: Maybe it should be.

Priest: I doubt God votes. Jesus was pretty indifferent towards politics: “Give to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God what properly belongs to God.” Now Barabbas – there’s your political rabble rouser.

RS: Yeah, but there’s an overlap. Christ was scourged by the Romans, remember? You don’t pay taxes, Father. The rest of us do, our annual scourging.

_____________________

 

Political pragmatist: “It’s never a good idea to burn down the house to rid it of a mouse.”

______________________

 

Teacher: What do you make of these lines from Robert Burns?

The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

Gang aft agley,

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

For promis’d joy!

Student:  Before his fight with Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson was asked whether he was worried about Holyfield’s plan.

Everybody has a plan

until they get punched

in the mouth!

_________________________

 

A divorcé: My first husband was like that. Flowers fell from his tongue when he spoke. He was a minor politician, nothing important, certainly nothing remunerative. It was always hand to mouth with us. Now, I’m happily married to an energy consultant, a graduate of one of Connecticut’s most prestigious technical schools, if I can put it that way. He travels all over – young, handsome, energetic, if you know what I mean. The checks keep rolling in. I told my former boss to get lost, a real pick-me-up. Neither of us fears the coming recession that’s spooked everyone. I sleep late.

________________________

 

A Republican Party consultant: They’re on the point of panic, worried about Trump, all the bullets just bounce off him. They keep looking under their beds for Kryptonite. I don’t know -- if anyone can get this guy elected, it’s the “Big Guy,” (Hunter Biden’s affectionate term for his Dad and co-conspirator). All this stuff is in the air now, very catchy, like COVID.

 

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