Friday, December 05, 2008

The Fishwrap

Let’s get the sex out of the way right off the bat: Here is the now notorious pic of Hillary Clinton being groped by President Elect Barack Obama’s communication director. Hillary’s response was amusing; she said she was happy that the offender was taking an interest in the Secretary of State’s office. Bill, one suspects, was not amused, but it’s wonderful that Hillary’s bruising primary and general election campaign has not dented her sense of humor. She’s gonna need it. OJ Simpson got tossed in the caboodle for attempting to recover some sports memorabilia, a fitting end, some thought, to Simpson’s eternal dance on the rim of a volcano. State Attorney General Richard Blumenthal was in the news multiple times this week; we forget what brought him before the cameras, possibly random speculation concerning his run for governor or for senator – in the event the star-crossed Sen. Chris Dodd finds himself in the calaboose along with OJ. “In the midst of the worst economic situation since the Great Depression it would be an unmitigated disaster,” said US Rep. Barney Frank, himself something of an unmitigated disaster, of the impending collapse of General Motors. Frank chairs the House Financial Services Committee, verily an unmitigated disaster, according to recent polls showing the US Congress badly trailing soon to be ex-President George Bush in popularity. Might it not be a good idea in these parlous times to rid the senate and House of its less than useful committees; a changeful thought Obama may want to chew on? Frank once let his consort run a gay bordello out of his apartment, and in the same spirit Boy George has been warned by a judge that he risks imprisonment for having beat a toyboy with chains as he tried to retreat from Boy George's attentions. Some in congress want the Big 3 auto makers to declare bankruptcy so that a rehabilitating reorganization may commence (change is good); others, Mr. Frank and Sen. Chris Dodd chief among them, want to throw money at the gaping wound in hopes the auto makers will recover from their swoon. And that 3AM call to the president featured in Clinton’s primary ads may involve Cuban dictator Fidel Castro. Castro and his bro want to talk to Obama. But if the Castro brothers need a quick money fix – and who doesn’t? – they may find it more profitable to chat up Frank and Dodd. Madonna, now on her Sweet and Sticky tour in land of the free and the home of the brave, is still getting divorced. Rumor – false, of course – has it that the slutty pop icon has been playing ball with the aptly named A-Rod, who may pass muster as the next Mr. Madonna if he’s able to master the intricacies of Kabala. The final figures are in. According to a report by Channel 8, Obama spent $315 millon from Oct 15 to Nov. 24 while, during the same period McCain, who had accepted public financing was able to spend only $84 million. The moral of this story is: Future Republican presidential nominees had better foreswear public financing. And Governor Jodi Rell has put her foot down on tolls. Apparently, the Guv believes that as long as dominant Democrats in the legislature continue to contrive ways of increasing the tax burden on her fellow citizens, just so long will Rome continue to burn. However, some noodles are beginning to doubt her sincerity.

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