Friday, September 05, 2008

The Scandal Front, So Far

Governor of Alaska and Republican Vice President nominee Sarah Palin’s daughter is pregnant and unmarried.

True. She and the father of the child expect to be enjoying wedded bliss in the near future.

Mrs. Palin’s unaborted Down Syndrome baby was actually her daughter’s baby.

Not true. This is medically impossible since the daughter is pregnant with her future husband’s baby. In a similar case, one of the reasons why John Edwards, once considered by Sen. Barack Obama as a Vice Presidential possibility, was not able to marry the woman he putatively impregnated was because he was already married to his cancer stricken wife. Otherwise, like Mrs. Palin's future son-in-law, he would have done the honorable thing and married the mother of his reputed child, if it was indeed his child. Determining the parentage of the child has been made difficult because while Edwards, who claims he is not the father, boasted he would be willing to take a DNA test to validate his claim, the woman he may have impregnated has refused to allow such a test.

Sarah Palin shoots Moose.

True. One report has her waking at four thirty in the morning to go Moose hunting with her father. Apparently, this is how daughters bond with their dads in Alaska.

Todd Palin was cited for drunken driving.

True, twenty years ago, during his wine and roses period.

Todd Palin, Mrs. Palin’s husband, has had an affair.

Todd Palin has an affair.

No one has stuck this one to the post yet. The “details,” reported on such partisan blogs as MyLeftNutmeg, are sketchy. Nor do we know whether the alleged affair, if consummated, was pre or post-marital. The country is awaiting word from the same authoritative newspaper, The National Inquirer, that broke the John Edward’s scandal.

"Another incredible allegation emerging from the family war is that Palin, a mother of five, had an affair with a former business associate of her fisherman husband, Todd."

According to the Inquirer: “'Todd discovered the affair and quickly dissolved his friendship and his business associations with the guy,' charges an enemy.’ Many people in Alaska are talking about the rumor and say Todd swept it under the rug.'"

The rumor hinges on a suspicion that court papers the business associate wanted to conceal contained data confirming the alleged affair. The papers recently were ordered unsealed by a court, and Palin’s name is not mentioned in them; not only is there no smoke in the gun, there is no gun.

The Inquirer has not revealed its source or identified "the enemy." Nor has the newspaper claimed to have verified the enemy's information.

Mrs. Palin’s enemies, who are legion, popped out of the bush a nanosecond after McCain tapped her for the VP position.

Mrs. Palin will not appear on the Oprah Winfrey show.

It’s somewhat up in the air, despite Miss Oprah’s strong assertion that Mrs. Palin will not appear on her show. The Drudge report, which several years ago broke the story of the now notorious “semen stained dress” once worn by Monica Lewinski and stained by then President Bill Clinton, happily married at the time to Mrs. Hillary Clinton, has pointed to a “quarrel” among the staff of Ms. Winfrey’s show, some of whom think Ms. Winfrey should extend an invitation to Mrs. Palin, since the show has twice featured Ms. Winfrey’s favorite presidential candidate, Mr. Obama. Ms. Winfrey has said there were no such discussions, but she would be willing to generously extend an invitation to Ms. Palin after the election.

As a part of her recent "Stickey and Sweet" tour, Madonna is comparing Mr. Obama to Mr. Mahatma Ghandi and Mr. McCain to Mr. Aldolf Hitler. "Didn’t Madonna already do this in her 'American Life' video?" commented Celebitchy, a site apparently devoted to bitchy celebrities. "At least she’s not hanging herself on a cross or making fun of the church this time around. Blasphemy is so 1989, yet she threw some into her Confessions tour for lack of imagination."

True. It's always fatal for faddists such as Madonna to repeat themselves. It's a sure sign they are going stale. But some people think Madonna's politicking is a diversionary tactic to deflect attention from her brother’s tell-all book. Her brother, who is gay, has felt the whips and scorns of his brother-in-law’s homophobia and felt compelled to strike back in an unauthorized (read: non-worshipful) biography of his notorious sister. Madonna, like all good performance artist, has been priming the “notorious” pump pretty much forever, but at 50 the number of rubes you have not insulted begins to diminish in proportion to your success. After McCain (AKA Hitler) what ripe target remains? And, at 50, can she summon the proper resentment and indignation? Some think she is running out of spite. But, then again, her brother’s literary efforts may provide a fill-up for her – if only he were not gay.

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