Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Bimbo Eruption Ahead

When hit in the forehead with the news, Nick Merrill, spokesman for possible presidential aspirant Hillary Clinton, asked “There’s a book?”

Indeed there is. This one, due out in August and written by Ron Kessler, the Secret Service agent who broke the story that some members of President Barrack Obama’s Secret Service detail had hired prostitutes in Cartagena, Colombia, thus imperiling the president’s safety, is titled “The First Family Detail: Secret Service Agents Reveal the Hidden Lives of Presidents.”

Some of the details disclosed in Mr. Kessler’s book are eye-catching, if unsurprising.

We discover that when “The Energizer” – not her real name – arrives at Chappaqua for an assignation with former President Bill Clinton, he of the “blue dress,”  her progress is not impeded by Secret Service agents, so called presumably because they are able to keep secrets in addition to protecting the president, delicately and surreptitiously, from unwanted intrusions.

Somewhere along the line from Abe Lincoln to Barack Obama discretion in the service has been thrown to the four winds.

And so there is a book that describes Ms. Energizer thus: “It was a warm day, and she was wearing a low-cut tank top, and as she leaned over, her breasts were very exposed. They appeared to be very perky and very new and full … There was no doubt in my mind they were enhanced.”

A secret Service supervisor was kind enough to tell Mr. Kessler, “You don’t stop her, you don’t approach her, you just let her go in.”

But be alert. Ms. Energizer's arrivals and departures are sometimes inconvenient. On occasion she arrives only minutes after Mrs. Clinton has vacated the premises, close shaves these.  Usually Mrs. Clinton’s Secret Service Detail is able to inform Mr. Clinton’s Secret Service detail that the former First Lady and former Secretary of State is nearing home. In this way, Mr. Clinton’s assignations may run their course uninterrupted, with no one being the wiser.

But once, Mr. Kessler reports in his book, the warning came perilously close, and it was thought that Bill might not have sufficient time to remove both Ms. Energizer and any incriminating evidence from the scene: “The agents had to scramble to get Ms. Energizer out of there so there wasn't some kind of big confrontation.”

Mrs. Clinton, who appeared recently in Connecticut to promote her own book, "Hard Choices," is not on the best of terms with her husband’s Secret Service detail, according to Mr. Kessler: “Because she is so nasty to agents and hostile to law enforcement officers and military officers in general, agents consider being assigned to her detail a form of punishment.”

Ms. Energizer, on the other hand, described in Mr. Kessler’s book as “charming” and “friendly” occasionally brought cookies to the agents.

The way to a Secret Service agent’s heart is through his stomach.

The path to Mr. Clinton’s heart lies along a different route, as more than a dozen former Energizers have testified, some, one must assume, to their confessors.

As of the moment, there are no photographs of Ms. Energizer. She is said to be “buxom,” and the betting is that she may be blonde, like Jennifer Flowers. Of Mr. Clinton’s dozen hook ups, according to the authoritative Ranker: Bill Clinton’s loves and hookups, seven were blonde and four were brunettes. Mrs. Clinton, who rounds out the twelve, is light haired. Mr. Clinton’s hook ups were not always willing partners in adultery; some were pressed into service.

Ms. Energizer – We must wait for the pics – would be number thirteen, not the luckiest of numbers. Although Mr. Clinton’s luck never seems to run out.

And where are the pics anyway? A photo of the buxom Ms. Energizer leaving Mr. and Mrs. Clinton’s ancestral home in Chappaqua might be proof enough that Bill has lapsed back into his satyriasis, a condition he shares with former President Jack Kennedy.

In any case, it might be prudent for the Mrs. Clinton campaign juggernaut to develop a fallback position when or if strenuous denial fails. Bill may be a Don Juan of uncommon ability, but he is a poor liar. We all recall his plaintive squeal: “I never had sex with that woman.”

There are two promising avenues of approach: 1) The Hillary campaign claims that Bill’s latest bimbo eruption is proof of the Democratic Stakhanovite effort to make love not war on women; and 2) the whole sad business is the capstone of the vast left wing effort to deny Mrs. Clinton election to the presidency, while boosting the chances of progressive heartthrob Massachussetts Senator Elizabeth Warren, the Netroot choice for president in 2016.  
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