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Overheard, A Hanky-Panky Satire



Note to the reader: The following is a satire, which means only the facts in it are verifiably true. The padding and stitching is merely probable. Two ladies, both middle-aged, both married, though not to each other, are chatting at a restaurant in Manchester, Connecticut. Both are friends and confidants of long standing. Their chatter went something like this:

 

Lady 1: I see Senator Murphy is separating from his wife.

 

Lady 2: Who?

 

Lady 1: Senator Chris Murphy, your senator from Connecticut, and mine.

 

Lady 2: I hadn’t heard that.

 

Lady 1: There was a discreet mention of it in the Hartford Courant, short on details. Both Murphy and his wife of 20 years are lawyers. My impression was that their separation is legally amicable. The announcement was sent to a newspaper more or less under the table. It was reported by way of an email sent to the couple’s friendly acquaintances. I suspect hanky-panky, but most of it will be hushed up.

 

Lady 2: (drawing in and expelling a breath of astonishment) Hanky-panky? In Washington D.C.? … Noooo…

 

Lady 1: They had been married, one supposes happily, for twenty years, time enough to produce two children, both boys, and they resolved, the email said… (pulling the clip from her handbag)…

 

Lady 2: You cut out the news item?

 

Lady 1: Of course. I wanted to share it with you. (reading) They are separating, according to this report, “after seven election victories since 2004.” And then the paper quotes from the purloined email: “With the election behind us – our seventh together – we have some news we wanted to share with you,’ they wrote. “After much reflection and discussion, we have decided to separate as a couple. We do so with deep care and respect for each other, and with a focus on continuing to be friends and loving, collaborative parents to our boys whom we adore,” blah, blah, blah. “We’ve been on quite a journey together these last twenty years. We have built two fulfilling, meaningful careers. We have moved from New Haven and Southington to Cheshire and Washington and Hartford. We have shared so many memories and moments with each of you. And, most importantly, we’ve built a family together. We are so proud of our two boys and the thoughtful, kind young men they are becoming as they move through their teenage years. We love being their parents. Nothing matters more to us than the two of them, and we are totally committed to co-parenting together. This was a difficult decision, but we believe that it is right for us, and we are going to move onto this new path the right way. We will continue to support each other personally and professionally. And we hope you all will stay connected with both of us. Thanks for being – and remaining – a part of our lives.”

 

Lady 2: Let me see that (she grabs the clip from Lady 1’s hand and begins to read). This report is dated November 15, after Murphy’s reelection celebration.

 

Lady 1: Yes. (she pulls yet another news clip from her pocket book, and reads from it) “Murphy — joined by his wife, Cathy, and his two sons — addressed a crowd of supporters gathered at Dunkin' Park in downtown Hartford, thanking his staff and explaining his decision to focus on one of two campaign ads he ran in the election on his annual walk across Connecticut.”

 

Lady 2: Let me see that (she rips this one also from lady1’s hand and reads). Are you making a photograph album? This is dated November 5. So, the email announcing his separation from his wife was sent 10 days after his victorious reelection celebration.

 

Lady 1: That’s right.

 

Lady 2: First the celebration with wife and kids, then 10 days pass, then the email announcing their separation was sent out to friends and, as it happened, to possible enemies.

 

Lady 1: Yes.

 

Lady 2: Ten days.

 

Lady 1: Yes.


Lady 2: Do you think Mr. and Mrs. Murphy had settled on a separation before the ten days? According to your first clip, the two lawyers, pursuing their separate successful careers, had (reading from the clip) “After much reflection and discussion … decided to separate as a couple.” Could the “much refection” have extended more than ten days?

 

Lady 1: What do you think?

 

Lady 2: I think separations and divorces take some time, unless they occur as a result of some personal calamity. Senator Lowell Weicker, I recall, was married and divorced several times.

 

 Lady 1: So, you think maybe …

 

Lady 2: Possible hanky-panky. After all, D.C. has been called by some moral peck sniffs “Sodom on the Potomac.”

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