Friday, November 26, 2010

Boardwalk Blumenthal’s Pungent Prose

A media release on the day after Thanksgiving – Don’t these guys ever give it a rest? – provides a perfect example of Attorney General Richard Blumenthal’s pungent  prose.

Mr. Blumenthal, who resembles no one so much as the odious, libidinally tortured Agent Nelson Van Alden on “Boardwalk Empire,” this time has been smitten by a credit card issued under sex-pot Kim Kardashian’s name, the infamous Kardashian Kard.

Here is the unexpurgated media memo from the attorney general:

“Lose it before you use it -- ought to be this card’s motto,” Blumenthal said.

“Keeping up with the Kardashians is impossible using these cards -- laden with pernicious and predatory fees that swallow card value.

“These cards are feckless financial tools designed to promptly diminish in value with virtually every transaction -- and even when consumers don’t use the card at all.

“This card -- or kard -- appears to specifically target young adults in evoking the name and image of the Kardashian family who showcase lives of luxury and extravagance. Known for their reality show -- Keeping up with the Kardashians -- the family is marketing a dangerous financial fantasy.

“Ironically, the Kardashian Kard will distance consumers from the financial abundance key to the Kardashian’s lifestyle. Consumers lose money before they can use it with this card.

“The card is filled with gotcha fees and charges, such as $99.95 annual fees, $7.95 monthly fees (after the first year), ATM withdrawal fees, bill pay fees, loading fees -- and even charges for talking to a live operator at their service center, and a card cancellation fee.

“My office is seeking more details from University National Bank -- the card issuer -- about its numerous fees and financial penalties, and raising concerns about potential threats to consumers, particularly young adults.”

There is more, but all good things, must have an end – even Mr. Blumenthal’s shameless self promotion.

His replacement, George Jepsen, promises to be more modest in fulfilling the apparently limitless responsibilities of his office. Whether Mr. Jepsen plans to refer Ms. Kardashian to criminal authorities for prosecution is not known at this time.

Asked to comment on Mr. Blumenthal’s letters to her, Ms. Kardashian might have remarked, “Blumenthal who?”

Some in Connecticut would envy Ms. Kardashian her blissful ignorance.
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