Monday, December 31, 2007

08 Predictions: Happy New Year

It’s always a hazard to make predictions, because future events depend upon current events that change rapidly. The best sort of prediction is a vow: “I pledge in the New Year to be kinder to my friends and more hostile to my enemies.”

This sort of prediction depends solely on will power and determination, which always lie in the hand of the vow taker. Predictions about historic events are always iffy. History, as a rule, snatches the better angels of our nature from us and consigns them to Hell. The careful reader will note that I have capitalized “Hell.” This, with apologies to honorable atheists among us, is because it is a place name for a real place, as yet undiscoverable by the spiritually vacuous tools of modern science.

The following are safe predictions because, with the exception of #7, they are limited to what will not happen in the coming year.

1) Bloggers -- who are nasty, brutish and short (with just about everybody) – will continue on their private path to Hell (note the capitalization): The Jew baiters will continue to bait the honorable Joe Lieberman, and he will continue to respond in kind; Chris Dodd will continue to call for an “immediate” (as soon as practicable) withdrawal of American troops from Iraq at precisely that moment in history when the presence of surging troops have thwarted the bloodier of the jihadists – talk about nasty, brutal and short! – who have designs on Saudi Arabia, thoroughly corrupted by a rapid accumulation of wealth, Iran, Iraq, and other places in the Middle East where oil sprouts from the ground (not that we care about oil); Hillary Clinton will continue to press for a repeat of the Camelot days of the first Bill Clinton ascendancy, when bombing ibuprofen factories in Iraq was considered a sufficient response to dictators that successfully defied the sacred mandates of the United Nations.

2) Neither Chris Dodd nor Ron Paul will become president.

3) Neither Bill Curry -- a two time gubernatorial loser, confidant of the aforementioned Bill Clinton and a columnist for the Hartford Courant, now owned by real estate magnate Sam Zell – nor Colin McEnroe, a dark souled humorist who unadvisedly wanders into the deep waters of political discussions and promptly drowns, will give up Buddhism in favor of Christian fundamentalism. There seems to be some discussion concerning who “owns” the Courant, real estate magnate Sam Zell, who bought the property from Times Mirror, or the employees of the Courant. The person who may dispose of the property is the proper owner: That would be real estate magnate Sam Zell.

4) Lou DeLuca will in the future not be talking to FBI sting operators disguised as Mafi hitmen, unless in the presence of his lawyer.

5) The Harford Courant, now owned by real estate magnate Sam Zell, will not be hiring a bona fide conservative columnist to balance the uber-liberal commentariate that presently disports on its pages – even though, thanks to Party Chairman Chris Healy and other right of center Republicans, there is in medialand an untapped well of readers hungry for conservative opinion in Connecticut’s liberal backwater. Evidentially, the Courant’s current owner, real estate magnate Sam Zell, does not wish to capitalize on this untapped money supply.

6) The Democrat controlled US Congress will not end the war in Iraq by de-financing it.

7) At some point down the line, Connecticut’s Republican Party will offer unyielding resistance to the state’s ever burgeoning budget by offering a program of tax cuts (not rebates -- real tax cuts) and spending cuts. The party will organize behind a proposal to eliminate the state’s income tax and replace it with a either a flat income tax or a sales tax -- not both -- that will both relieve current businesses of onerous taxes and encourage new business growth in the state, resulting in increased revenues that will not be spent augmenting teacher’s salaries. The excess revenue will be used to support traditional family structures in urban areas blighted by single family households, absent fathers and drug dealing among armed preteens.

The reader should be warned that #7 is subject to the vagaries of historical circumstances, very iffy, and therefore less certain that #’s 1-6.

But hope springs eternal.
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