Friday, December 01, 2006

The Grand Ball

“Governor Jodi Rell says there are three committees working on her January third inauguration. One is working on the parade, one on the inauguration ceremony and one on the ball…

“Rell says her office is waiting for some guidance from the office of state ethics on how best to fund the inaugural ball. New laws taking effect ban contributions from lobbyists and contractors. In past years, both helped to foot the bill.”
--News Channel 8 Report


Dear Prince Charming,

It’s a little embarrassing. Somehow, the invitation to the Grand Inaugural Ball was sent to your lobbying firm by mistake.

As you are doubtless aware, new laws banning the acceptance of contributions from lobbyists and contractors are now in effect, and my wide-awake staff–-particularly Ms. Lisa Moody–-have advised me, somewhat tardily, that you have a contract with the state.

Unfortunately, Mr. Charming, your commendable altruism makes it impossible for me to entertain your presence at the Grand Inaugural Ball. Thank you in advance for future contributions--non-redeemable--to my future campaigns.

Remember. It’s better to give than to receive.

Yours affectionately,

M. Jodi Rell, Princess


To whom it may concern,cc PJR

I cannot be certain which of the three committees arranging the installation of Princess Jodi Rell as Governor of the state of Connecticut this response should be sent to; so I am dispatching it to all three committees mentioned in a Channel 8 report. See attached.

Our lobbying firm, Prince Charming Inc., is in receipt of a rather frigid letter from Princess Rell uninviting the prince to her Grand Inaugural Ball. We choose to regard that letter as having mistakenly been sent to our office.

We are certain that Prince Charming has NEVER made a campaign contribution to the gracious Princess Rell.

As you know, the prince, generous to a fault, has limited his giving in the post-John Rowland years to the standard charities. Our legal team--Nasty, Brutish and Short--has advised us that political contributions in this new era of ethical propriety would be risky, not to say dangerous, while the whole countryside lies under the sway of Attorney General Richard Blumenthal and his army of lawyers. Even dragons sleep. Ethical Puritans never sleep.

Hoping that the last line of your letter is not to be taken in vain, we remain your faithful servants,

The Staff of
Prince Charming Inc.


Memo to Lisa Moody

Lisa, I’ve been in contact with the ethics people. Prince Charming Inc. has filed every year since former Governor Ella Grasso left office. The record shows no contributions were ever made to us from PCI. Could you please double check everything, run all the findings by the “ethical puritan”--heh, heh… I like that one--and, if all is kosher, please, PLEASE, re-invite the prince to the ball. As you know, the invitation was suggested by a certain someone on the staff of a certain newspaper, largely because the prince is an ardent proponent of anti-sprawl measures. Sprawl, the prince said in one of his rare interviews, “is awkward and may in the future interfere with my view of the pastures of plenty that surround my humble abode.”

Lisa, have you ever SEEN the prince’s humble abode? Please get on it ASAP.

PJR


Memo to Princess Jodi Rell From Lisa Moody

Done!

LM


Memo to Princess Jodi Rell From Lisa Moody

Ooops! You’re not going to like this. The ethics people have said--unfortunately AFTER the invitation was re-sent to the prince--that they have found a contribution sent to your campaign by a person affiliated with Prince Charming. So, I sent another letter to the prince revoking the re-invitation. Sorry, but in the post-Rowland epoch, one can never be too careful.

Abjectly yours,

LM


To Whom It May Concern,

What kinds of IMBECILES are in charge of your offices? The affiliate you mention is not associated with Prince Charming Inc.--never has been. He is a preposterous fraud, who often has affected an association with the prince for reasons of self aggrandizement. It’s been in all the papers!!!

Your letter has sent my heart-sick prince to his bed, where he is wasting away for love of the princess, who cruelly has turned her face from him. Is there no pity? If you prick a prince, does he not bleed?… etc., etc.

Peremptorily,

Nasty, Brutish and Short


Memo to Princess Jodi Rell From Lisa Moody

You’re not going to like this…
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